Kristen Bell REALLY Loves Sloths. Really. (VIDEO)

 

OK, now this is really strange. Now, like any red-blooded male, I think Kristen Bell is an absolute hottie. Girl can absolutely no wrong, and I'd even give her a pass if she pulled a Sarah Marshall on me because, well, she's Kristen Bell, darn it, and if she came at me with that bikini, I'd forgive her, too.

Well, like any other red-blooded male, you'd want to know the one thing you could do to make your girlfriend cry. The one thing that would turn her into putty in your hands. The one thing that would make her love you forever. If you're a guy who's ever chased a girl, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Well, thanks to the magic of television, we now know what it is that pushes Kristen Bell's buttons.

Is it candy? No, that's way too easy. Is it a leading role in a major television series? Nah, been there done that. Is it a foot massage? You know, the kind where you got your stuff down, and you ain't be tickling or nothing (thanks, Quentin)? No, it's not even the ultimate in foot massages. What, then, could it possibly be?

Well, for Kristen Bell, it's a sloth.

Yeah, that's what I said. A sloth. One of those weird creatures that do nothing but hang in trees in the jungle, eat, and move at a two miles an hour.

Don't ask me why. KB be crazy... Crazy for that Bradypodidae style. You know what I'm saying, G? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Talkin' about that Pygmy three-toed sloth action.

Now you know, nerd. But sorry to say, Ellen beat you to the punch. Dang Ellen. Wench has all kind of game. Ellen pulled out the Sloth card, and KB caved like LeBron in a NBA playoff.

First Portia DeRossi, now Kristen Bell. Can't a brother get a win once in a while? Damn. I hate the player AND the game today.

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