Crap, Michael Bay Is About To Mess Up Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I don't mind telling you that I think that the Michael Bay Transformers movies to me have the entertainment value of those hurricane and storm alert warning reports on CNN or your typical SuperBowl pre-game show: they're both loud, long, boring and have no value to me whatsoever. Now the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie franchise has been hit and miss over it's history. First, there was a live-action movie that was cool (for 1990 standards), that cost $13 million to make, and raked in over $200 million. So, of course, instead of getting a good script and director, the movie was followed by two unimaginative sequels that pretty much killed the cash cow by 1993. Then a computer animated movie that dropped in 2007 that made about $95 million that was pretty good. So, those of us who liked it have been waiting for a sequel. But, don't you know that Hollywood is all about self-destruction and screwing up the simplist things by tossing money at it when it doesn't need to. So why should the TMNT franchise be any different? Friggin' AAAARGH. Yahoo Movies reports:

Michael Bay seems to be at it again: This time the creator of mega-blockbusters is planning to produce a new, live-action version of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." But, if he has his way, he may need to change the name to "Not So Mutant" Alien Turtles. Definitely less catchy.

The "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" director told a crowd recently at the Nickelodeon Upfront New York event that instead of the series fans have loved about a mutant strain of turtles from earth who are obsessed with pizza and turn into two-footed creatures thanks to some transmutant goo, Bay's reptiles will simply be an alien race.

As first called out on the blog StuffWeLike, Bay explained his vision for the 2013 remake: "When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie." Wha? And then, "The turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely loveable."

Once again, Michael Bay is killing the childhood memories of millions of people so he can CGI the crap out of a bunch of dudes wearing rubber suits. This is going to suck harder than that tube that Augustus Gloop got stuck in. The only way Michael Bay could do less damage to TMNT is if he actually stabbed the four turtles in front of a bunch of kids, threw the severed remains in a pot and slowly ate the juicy turtle remains in front of them.