Janet Jackson Whores Out For Nutrisystem

Now, when I think about Janet Jackson, I think about the 80s, the "Rhythm Nation" album, those years on "Good Times" when she played that cute little kid. After "Rhythm Nation 1814", it all went south for me. Janet Jackson suddenly tried to become sexy. Which I know works for a lot of people. Don't judge me, it just didn't work for me. Except in examples like above. Then it worked for me A LOT.

Well, Janet Jackson got old. And when people get older, they tend to put on a few pounds. And, when you're in music, and put out an album every 3 to 5 years, you really put on the pounds, especially when you hide in a cave somewhere, eating bonbons in between said albums. I think we all remember when Janet came out on hiding long enough to mourn her brother Michael's death a few years back. To say that she put on a few pounds since we saw her in public last would have been an understatement at best. In other words, little Janet was a little chubby.

So, like many other celebrities, Janet Jackson fell to peer pressure as well as a few dollar bills being waved in her face, and decided to whore herself out to Nutrisystem. And, of course, the results were absolutely amazing. Or so you are led to believe.

We all know that Janet Jackson has been known to wear a corset from time to time, but either she is wearing the tightest corset ever made, or she's been photoshopped to the extreme in the photo that the company officially released the other day. It doesn't seem to compare to her commercial, which we've also posted below. I don't know, you be the judge. Based on the photo posted below, should Janet Jackson release another album, or should she join the circus with the Invisible Man and the Bearded Lady? You decide!

Janet obviously opted to break a rib or two to get into Vampira's old dress.

In any case, Janet has always known how to get herself into fighting shape when tour time comes around. The question is, will she keep the weight off? After all, this isn't just about a paycheck, it's about a lifestyle change...right? Time and the paparazzi cameras will tell...

Kelsey Grammer Is Not Thinking This Through, Part 5

Oh Kelsey Grammer, aren't you just a romantic!

I mean, if anybody should know about romance, it's Kelsey Grammer. After all, he met his first wife, got married for eight years and was separated six of those years, his second wife was a stripper, and that marriage lasted exactly one year, his third wife was a girl he met at a bar, and broke up with a year later, in his fourth wife was a former Playboy model. If any man is a model of rock solid relationships, it's Kelsey Grammer.

But make no mistake, he's learned his lesson. Wife number five will be the one. It would be a woman that he will spend the rest of his life with! How do I know? He's getting inked, brother!! Radar Online reports:

Kelsey Grammer got his first tattoo this weekend and inked his fourth wife’s name, Kayte Walsh, onto his hip.
The 57-year-old actor got the design at Insight Studios in Chicago on Saturday.
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He came in with Kayte, who he tied the knot with last year following his split with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Camille Grammer.
“Kelsey was so enamored with his wife -- it was all about her," an eyewitness tells RadarOnline.com.
"It was obvious that he really cares a lot about her.  He loves her so much he wanted to do something special.

There is nothing that screams the word "desperate douche" more than being a 57 year old guy that's been married four times and is trying to hang on to what semblance of youth or recognition he has. And nothing screams desperation more than a 57-year-old man getting a tattoo. But then again, I guess if you write a wife's name of your body somewhere today, you'll remember who to make out the alimony checks to five years from now.

Kanye West And Kim Kardashian Are An Item

Now I know what you're saying. You're saying that the idea of Kim Kardashian hooking up with Kanye West is far beyond anything you can think of. I mean, the thought of Kim Kardashian hooking up with a famous rich black guy, and Kanye hooking up with a girl with a big ass is TOTALLY not like them, right? And hey, I ain't saying she's a gold digger...but she ain't messin' wit no...aw, you get it. TMZ and the rest of the free world reports:

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are dating ... for real ... TMZ has learned.

Sources tell us the relationship is "just starting." The two were photographed on their way out of a movie date to see "Hunger Games"  in NYC last night (above).

Apparently, Kanye has been after Kim for a while -- he just released a new song, "Theraflu" ... in which he says he had feelings for the reality star while she was dating Kris Humphries.

"And I admit I fell in love with Kim ... 'Round the same time she fell in love with him ... That's cool, babygirl, do your thing ... Lucky I ain't had Jay drop him from the team."

Kanye is referring to Jay Z -- who owns the NJ Nets ... the team Humphries plays for.

The report failed to mention that the reason that Kim had to take the walk of shame was because after a long night, the room was too full of cheeks and egos. Let it process, let it process...

Madonna Is Looking For (Some) Molly

Madonna is a self-delusional dope who, like the groundhog she is, has to stick her head out a hole every few years to show the world that she's still relevant. This season, she must have seen spring because she hasn't gone back into her hole since the SuperBowl.

So, to prove that she's still relevant, and not the 53-year old quasi-British wannabe old hag hanger on that she truly is, she dropped a new album this year, entitled MDNA, an obvious play on MDMA, the technical name for the drug Ecstasy. She went further by making the album a club / techno / house oriented record, using producers such as William Orbit, Martin Solveig and Benny Benassi, all house and techno type dudes.

Well, when she dropped a comment about MDMA at a recent concert, she was called on it by DJ DeadMau5. Then, the fun began in earnest. Isn't it always fun when stuff gets dropped at raves? (See what I did there?? HA!!)  TMZ reports:

Madonna says DeadMau5 is DeadWrong ... claiming she was NOT promoting drug use at a concert in Florida ... despite allegations she used her stage time to glamorize the drug ecstasy.

Deadmau5 -- one of the most famous DJs in the world -- had attacked Madonna as a "f**king idiot" for asking the crowd at the Ultra Music Festival if anyone has "seen Molly" -- Molly is a slang term for the active ingredient in ecstasy.

Now, Madge is lashing back ... with a pair of mouse ears.

The Material Girl posted a photo of herself in Mickey Mouse gear ... with the caption, "From one mouse to another I dont support drug use and i never have. I was referring to the song called "Have You Seen Molly" written by my friend Cedric Gervais who I almost worked with on my album."

Deadmau5 saw the tweet and replied ... saying, "Fair enough, I was just voicing my concerns as I usually do. +1 respect for clearing it up personally ... regardless, just be a little more aware of what you should represent at EDM events, and I'll watch my mouth."

Madge replied ... "Communication is always best. You should have called me first, we could have cleared it up 'privately.' ;) See you on the road."

What the hell ever. The only thing this stupid song says is "Help me find Molly," "Molly makes me want to dance," and just about every other "Mary Jane" influenced innuendo you can throw into a crappy 8-minute techno song. DeadMau5 (correctly) calls out Madonna for a flippant use of a terminology of a drug that has resulted in numerous deaths and hospitalizations over the the last few years at underground parties and raves, and DeadMau5 folded like a worn out futon when the Queen weakly counters his call out. Not that I had any respect for techno music anyway, but both of these artist should go looking for Molly and never come back. Oh, that wasn't me saying they should both OD on Ecstasy. Honestly, I didn't mean that at all. I was talking about Molly Ringwald. Yeah, that's it. Loved her in "16 Candles."

Here's the song "Help Me Find Molly":

Another New Avengers Trailer

Yes, I know this week is all about "The Hunger Games", but I always like to rage against the light. So, here's another trailer for "The Avengers". Make sure you use the bathroom BEFORE you watch it, or you may wet your pants uncontrollably, like I did. Hey, I admitted it. Don't judge me, dude. I now officially knows how my German Shepherd feels now when she gets excited and can't control herself, and goes all Snoopy Happy Feet on me. so I'll never get mad at her again.

Take THIS, Katniss!!!

Ray J Didn't Know Whitney Was Coking Up

So, everyone knows that Whitney Houston and Ray J (AKA Brandy's Little Brother) had been "very close friends" for a long time. They were deemed an "alleged couple in 2007, 2009, and again just weeks before her death. But even though everyone in Hollywood knew about Whitney's drug problems, including family, friends, music executives, Oprah, spacemen, highlanders, deepsea divers, and, oh, everyone else on the planet that breathes air, the one person that didn't was Ray J. Can you believe it? TMZ reports:

Ray J is pissed that people are accusing him of being Whitney's enabler and, even worse, fueling her with the fatal dose of cocaine.

Ray J's rep tells TMZ ... the singer had NO KNOWLEDGE that Whitney was using again.

The rep says Ray J is especially upset at claims made by Bobby Brown's sister, Leolah Brown, who went on TV Thursday night and suggested Ray J was to blame for Whitney's demise.  Ray J says the claim is absolute B.S.

Now, there's probably no way we'll ever know for sure about Ray J and Whitney, because, as we all know, Ray J. likes to keep things on the downlow. Like that time he dated Kim Kardashian. Good thing he kept that under wraps. It might have totally ruined her reputation.

Crap, Michael Bay Is About To Mess Up Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I don't mind telling you that I think that the Michael Bay Transformers movies to me have the entertainment value of those hurricane and storm alert warning reports on CNN or your typical SuperBowl pre-game show: they're both loud, long, boring and have no value to me whatsoever. Now the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie franchise has been hit and miss over it's history. First, there was a live-action movie that was cool (for 1990 standards), that cost $13 million to make, and raked in over $200 million. So, of course, instead of getting a good script and director, the movie was followed by two unimaginative sequels that pretty much killed the cash cow by 1993. Then a computer animated movie that dropped in 2007 that made about $95 million that was pretty good. So, those of us who liked it have been waiting for a sequel. But, don't you know that Hollywood is all about self-destruction and screwing up the simplist things by tossing money at it when it doesn't need to. So why should the TMNT franchise be any different? Friggin' AAAARGH. Yahoo Movies reports:

Michael Bay seems to be at it again: This time the creator of mega-blockbusters is planning to produce a new, live-action version of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." But, if he has his way, he may need to change the name to "Not So Mutant" Alien Turtles. Definitely less catchy.

The "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" director told a crowd recently at the Nickelodeon Upfront New York event that instead of the series fans have loved about a mutant strain of turtles from earth who are obsessed with pizza and turn into two-footed creatures thanks to some transmutant goo, Bay's reptiles will simply be an alien race.

As first called out on the blog StuffWeLike, Bay explained his vision for the 2013 remake: "When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie." Wha? And then, "The turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely loveable."

Once again, Michael Bay is killing the childhood memories of millions of people so he can CGI the crap out of a bunch of dudes wearing rubber suits. This is going to suck harder than that tube that Augustus Gloop got stuck in. The only way Michael Bay could do less damage to TMNT is if he actually stabbed the four turtles in front of a bunch of kids, threw the severed remains in a pot and slowly ate the juicy turtle remains in front of them.